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What's on the Pop Stereo!

Alysons Top 10 of 2008!
#1. (NEW!) The Revelations - It's You!
#2. Goldfrapp - A&E
#3. Sam Sparro - Black and Gold
#4. Manda Rin - Breakup Breakdown
#5. (NEW!) Girly Berry - Shake It!
#6. (NEW!) Goldfrapp - Road To Somewhere
#7. Tying Tiffany - I Wanna Be Your MP3!
#8. (NEW!) Puffy AmiYumi - Wild Girls On Circuit!
#9. (NEW!) Kidz Bop Kidz - Umbrella (Ella, Ella, Ey Ey)
#10. (NEW!) Celtic Legend Feat Gwenno Pipette - Ysolt Y'nn Gweinten

Claires Top 10 of 2008
#1 - Brit and Alex - Let It Go
#2 - (NEW!) Celtic Legend Feat Gwenno Pipette - Ysolt Y'nn Gweinten
#3 - (NEW!) The Revelations - It's You
#4 - Ash The Hash Bash - Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)
#5 - (NEW!) Girly Berry - Shake It!
#6 - (NEW!) Sylvie Vartan - Est-ce que tu le sais?
#7 - The Vs - Untouched
#8 - David Guetta - Baby When The Light
#9 - (NEW!) Serebro - Cranes
#10 - (NEW!) Miley Cyrus - Good and Broken

Pop Goes Canberra!
Pop Star Poetry!
Pop Poster Girl!
Girlfriends Official Myspace!
Pop Trash Addicts!
Funshine Cheers Wonderful Youtube Vids!
Into The Groove!
Don't Stop The Pop!
1001 Greatest Pop Songs Of All Time!
Little Fairie Girl!
Adem with an E!
Dirrty Pop!
No Rock And Roll Fun!

Nancy in her  pants...busking and hitchiking never looked cooler
Forever sponsored by my retro heroes Nancy Sinatra...
Dutch, 70s, classy, great hair...possibly stoned
...Mariska Veres...
Ms Harry, 70s and blonde, luckily escaped from Ted Bundy
...and Deborah Harry

Forever S

Forever S2 - 3-1

Forever Nicola

Forever Debbie Gibson

Forever Josie

Forever Across Chanels Universe

Forever Js BFF

Forever Venke

Alex from World Idol - I HATE YOU was her catchphrase...former flatmate of Guy Sebastian...and of course, ALWAYS in your FACE!

Forever The Ninja

I'm not doing a fucking survey!

"The site that's turned 5ive before 5ive did"

They signed up, they made history...then they left with nothing...Nothing Is Impossible, the Complete Girlfriend Story, only at the Pop
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A terrible day for Australia   
09:14pm 22/02/2008
  Where were you when Geri left the Spice Girls?
When Robyn left Girlfriend?
When Jo Breezer vanished?
When No one showed any love for Girly Berry in the last post?

Oh Alyson, this is no time for heart aches...

Because of stupid Adam Gilchrist, Charli has left Hi-5...

This is truly a devastating day for Australia, and the Pop is having 24 hours of mourning...

Please, re-read our script for Hi-5 The Movie and remember the good times.


EDIT: Charli has been in the paper with a serious hair cut, and thoughts of playing new characters, going to NIDA and getting serious. It's a tragedy. She's turned into Robyn Loau. Why not also enjoy the original bubblegum classic Ready Or Not, which is ALL about Charli (and maybe 5% about Tim, though Claire dis-agrees) and forget all this talk of serious acting roles.

     Read 6 - Make your comment...please!
The work ethic of Chanel vs the work ethic of Girly Berry   
08:39pm 22/02/2008
  This was on Chanel Coles website last November...

It'll (my solo album) be called "Squalor Boys and The Path of Good Intentions" - The follow up will be called "The Inkling and The Darkling"

Oh sure CHANEL, we'll believe it when we see it! It's getting on for FOUR YEARS now Cole, we're getting impatient! The work ethic of Millsy (and dare we say it, tragically, the Disco Cow) have really put you to shame! It's apparently easier to shoot a satellite down from the moon than it is to get an album from you! In fact, most importantly, much as we like your titles, our faith, tested as it has been by years of tooling around, is only going to be fulfilled if the album is called COLE MINING!

How different the work ethic of Thailands finest girlband....GIRLY BERRY!

I'm trying to become something of a mega fan of Girly Berry, if for no other reason than their single "Shake It" (as in the post below) is the kind of down and sleazy pop song my sadly credibility packed IPOD really needs. And who doesn't love 4 girls exploding into bits of clay? Seriously, just a great dirty song, and while the rest of their ouevre is a little too heavy on sexy adult ballads for me to totally squee, but there are several facts to keep in mind should you wish to research the Thai fab four.

- While I'm no expert and Claire is in Dubai, the one called "Gybzy" is the hot one of the group, their worst dancer, and the Thai press are obsessed with her tiny waist. In other words, she's Tweedy.

- The other three are called Belle, Nannie and Giftza. In a TLC fit of pique, they all recorded solo songs in a fit of who da boss rage. They all appear to be sexy adult ballads, so the who da boss rage didn't translate into a decisive answer.

- In one of their film clips, they all cooked food for a party, two of them sung so badly they were over-dubbed by men, and then at the end Giftza shoved a cookie at the cameraman. BENNY FUN!

- As best as I can tell, other than several FHM covers and a nude photo scandal, the best thing they ever did was go on several chat shows during a government initiative to promote healthy hearts among the Thai population. A few reviews have suggested that Girly Berry were not even they were promoting, but I don't believe that for a second! What this campaign would seemingly involve is a 20 minute chat on a talk show from a government minister, and then, say, Belle yelling "WE LOVE A HEALTHY HEART!" and Gybzy doing a sexy pout. The effect of this campaign on the population of Bangkok is yet to be proven, but it's something we think the Veronicas and Julia Gillard should be teaming up to make us think about ASAP.

Oh, and their compilation album from this year was called "Climax", so they've gone from wholesome clips where they bake cookies to getting trapped in ice cubes...

Chanel, take note, they've got enough albums for a compilation...

     Read 2 - Make your comment...please!
Now it makes sense   
08:41pm 21/02/2008
  I was idling THIS was on the Disco Cows Wikipedia page, and I've been buggered by it ALL DAY!

"Ricki-Lee has gained a strong following from Geelong identity Phear Willman and Brett Enright, it is believed Phear and Brett are in the process of establishing a charity in support of the popular singer."

WHAT? She's got her OWN charity? God, she'd love that, as if she isn't self obsessed enough, now small African children are going to be singing a charity record for her? What the HELL is going on? I know that the idea of two blokes in Geelong just wandering around with tins offering to collect with Ricki Lee? I should have known that she would do nothing altruistic, she's just whipping around the fringes of Melbournes Biggest Cake to promote the Coulter charity, and boo hiss to her for that! More on this to come!

It makes sense as much as this slice of utter genius...!

     Read 4 - Make your comment...please!
The Disco Cow (and MILLSY!) gimp it up for CAKE!   
08:37pm 20/02/2008
  You can ask Claire (if she wasn't in Dubai having a holiday on MY AFL membership money!) sulking she never gets any comments!), you can ask my Mum, you can ask my cat, I am OBSESSED right now with the phrase "Gimps It up For Charity!", I can't stop saying it, and of course, I became obsessed with it (even more so than that story about Guy Sebastian trying to get 40K a time to do 3 songs, or the Kidz Bop version of Umbrella (SHINY CARS!) which is amazing) from THIS flier which has now been sent to my e-mail address no fewer than 51 times!

Yes, she's singing for charity on TV show "It Takes Two" (my idea for "It Takes Blue" was rejected), along with tennis player Scott Draper (I can't help but feel somehow he was punished in Heather Mills divorce settlement - he is 40, he does have a good sense of hum...STOP IT) who is a good bloke, and doing good things for charity, but NO ONE right now is gimping it up for charity like Ricki Lee! It doesn't she's in any way less than one of the worlds most reprehensible human beings, but still, she's trying to usurp Collette as queen of charity!

However, since she got some high scores tonight and indulged in some sickening "you were GREAT! No, YOU were GREAT!" chat, I'm more obsessed with the impending appearance of The Disco Cow at Melbournes Longest Cake! on March 2nd. Would you believe it's an ANNUAL EVENT! And here's what we've learned!

- Last year, DRAZIC from Heartbreak High was there! Bree from Neighbours was there! Dipper was there! That chick that used to be in Rebeccas Empire was there! Sean Micallef MCed! What a TREAT! Anthony Koutoufides (of "Pick Your Face" fame!) is a guest of honour! Last year and this!

- It all came from a guy who decided to raise awareness for cerebral palsy by BAKING A FUCKING BIG CAKE! Eh! That's just my kind of logic!

- And THIS YEAR! WELL! THE CAKE IS EVEN BIGGER! (If it's an annual event, by 2020, the cake could be a MILE LONG!)

- And if you get up early, you can watch the SPECTACLE of the cake being built! THE SPECTACLE!

- This year, it's Micallef out, Sue Stanley (aerobics queen) in! I hope she does a tight ten ("So, anyone from out of town? Well, do twenty jumping jacks! I'm just kidding!)

- But the REAL drawcard (apart from watching the Disco Cow upstaged by a big cake and trying to look un self obsessed for a change!)

- There's a Pirate Jumping Castle! No, wait, that's not is, but there's even bigger!


I'm not pulling the piss out of this event I promise, well, apart from the Disco Cow, but WHAT A TREAT OF A DAY! I seriously have to go to this...

Claire won't, she doesn't get out of bed for a cake less than two miles long....

     Read 6 - Make your comment...please!
Alyson has a dream about the Vs and the Disco Cow Gimps It Up For Charity   
08:00pm 19/02/2008
  Hi! How are you all! Enjoying the slightly dis-jointed thematics of our 5ive year anniversary! Enjoying me being in Perth (not that slightly manky town in Scotland, but Perth, WA!)? Enjoying Claire never getting any comments! Well, how about that "It Takes Two" off of the telly - cor, celebrities singing with a famous singer for charity! Lorks a mercy (as they said in 1881) thats a lark innit!

NO IT ISN'T! It's a terrible show! 41 (41!) people, knowing how much i hate The Disco Cow, have sent or forwarded me the e-mail with....this!

I don't know many people get the "gimpsitupforcharity" reference, but if you do, we'll probably give you a prize.

Scott Draper, I'm sure is a great bloke, his wife died, which was sad, you know, great at two sports, well, not great, just alright, and it's for charity, and I applaud fundraising efforts that aren't that single "65 Roses" (which ended up being Cystic this thing on?) but I WILL NOT SUPPORT THIS! It did amuse me that when I checked what the Disco Cow was doing in March, two of her gigs were, quot a performance at the Adventure World Adult Pool Party - 45 Minutes with FULL band! And better than the Disco Cow singing Hell No at a party with slappers and porn stars? A gig singing at, quote, the premiere of Melbourne’s Longest Cake! Oh yes, you might have thought you knew a long cake! But on 02 Mar 2008, 10:00 AM, Crown Towers, Melbourne, Victoria, YOU WILL KNOW YOU WERE WRONG! Sure, some people have the Grammys, and getting upstaged by The Time, but only Ricki Lee can be upstaged by a freaking cake!


Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post. It's time for!

Alyson has a dream about The Vs!

(This post is typed in Veronicglish)

So I had this dream that I was on It Takes Two, and i was a celebrity chef. And I was really spewing because I was supposed to be singing with Dannii Minogue, and I ended up instead singing with one of the Vs. And she was really really pouty and moody about it, and she kept muttering about where her career went. So anyway, we had got through a couple of rounds, and we got to rock night, and I was like "let's do Girlfriend!" meaning the Avril Lavigne song, although obviously my first thought on any topic is "What would Girlfriend do". And she's all "Like THAT'S rock" and huffing and I'm all "Yeah, cos you're HARDCORE Vs! PUNK! WOOT!" and making devil horns. And she's all "we REPRESENT the spirit of PUNK rock as it was MEANT TO BE!" and I'm just laughing, and making little puff pastries (cos I'm a chef see!) and she's telling me about her punk rock label she's set up. And so we just have this big argument while the other V was off to the side of the stage trying to think of a word that rhymed with "down".

And so we're about to go on stage and I'm staring at her, and she's got her arms folded like after the last sketch on Thank God You're Here (you know the face!) and I've gone "You know, you aren't as good as the Blakeney Twins!" and she's just gone MENTAL and tried to grab me and gone "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" and I'm all "You ARE the Blakeney Twins! Just with less talent! One of you even has a wonky mouth!" and she's gone "YOU! YOU TAKE THAT BACK CHEFFY!" and I'm all "NUP! Gee, this conversation has left me ALL MIXED UP!" and she's gone purple "I NEVER HAD THIS FUCKING TROUBLE WITH FUCKING THAT UGLY CHICK FROM THE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND 50 CENT VIDEO!" and as she's said this, it's been clearly heard all over Australia. At which point Glenn Robbins came up to us and said "And you thought my show was shit!"


And that was...

Alyson has a dream about The Vs!

Probably bake a cake about it one day...

     Read 9 - Make your comment...please!
10:37am 18/02/2008
  I don't know what I'm more excited about!

TATUs new album being based around "heavy philosophical themes!" How amazing is THAT! Tatuosophy 101! What a band! Not just making a great movie with Mischa Barton (which we'll get to finish soon!) and a deleted plunger scene but an album all about philosophy. I can't wait for "Idealism is the epistemological doctrine that nothing can be directly known outside of the minds of thinking beings" to be put into a slightly awkward not as good as you remembered chorus (let alone a T-shirt!). At least we can only hope for a verse of "Kant! Kant! He's our man! If he can't do it, then we won't sell very many albums and have to wear our pants and kiss again!". And track 7 about the Babylonians not being considered part of Western philosophys modern tenets, jeesus, will THAT stir up some trouble!

The positivist view that there are no specifically philosophical truths and that the object of philosophy is the logical clarification of thought will obviously be applied to the album cover. It says logically that in this empirically weighted world, interchangable standards of beauty mean that you can replace the faces of girls as long as they look good in underpants - or does it simply mean look at the underpants?


I have no idea.....either way, it's a great pair of shows for VH1...

     Read 4 - Make your comment...please!
Alysons Mum gets her some comments   
06:35pm 16/02/2008
  Awwww, poor Claire, no comments! Ha ha, you know what THAT means!

You are as popular as T-Pain in 5 years time!

More importantly, I'm in Perth for the FIRST game the West Coast Eagles are going to play this year against Fremantlers. I was happily driving to the hotel singing along to some of Lauren Lavernes less popular solo work and 2008s best song A&E, not a kid, sorry, a care in the world, and I get a text message from my Mum.


So, I couldn't stop for 10 minutes because I was on a highway and couldn't pull over and god knows no one on an Australian road is going to give way to you, and she texts me TWICE more in the space of 5 minutes.


So I'm starting to worry now, so I had to pull into a service station (I'm glad Claire wasn't there, she'd have killed me, she has a thing about service station sandwiches and the people work there) and I ring my Mum and go "WHAT! What's wrong!"

And she says, I quote, "Lily Allens chat show completely died on it's arse!"

Ah, god bless her, she knows what makes Y happy...

     Read 8 - Make your comment...please!
Todays Bonza Hotspot   
08:29pm 15/02/2008
  By popular demand, it's time for one of our old segments here at the Pop, but first of all, congratulations to the town of Hamilton, for celebrating "Beef Week" - a record number of entries for Beef Week, I'm very proud of our nation on such a wonderful occassion. Anyway, today, we're bringing back the glory days of The Bonza Hotspot which was our attempt to educate the nation about weather and the hottest place in Australia. Like a lot of things, I have NO idea how this started, but it at least gave Sami Lukis some time in the sun.

Hey! That's a great joke! Time in the sun! See, I'm visiting the hottest place in Australia! Ha ha! Good one Claire! That's really funny! Ha ha! Time in the sun! That's a brilliant pun! Tee hee hee!

Why exactly DID you get fired time and time again from every network you worked at? It's a complete mystery? Plus the fact that (CENSORED by the same lawyers that won't let us tell you THAT Delta Goodrem story)....anyway, since I'm in Dubai, and it's already hot, why don't you tell us about todays....BONZA HOT SPOT! Hopefully it's not bloody Pannawonnica again!

No Claire! It's the town of Roebourne today, it was 44 degrees there! BONZA HOT SPOT! Roebourne is an old gold rush town in Western Australia's Pilbara region. It is 202 km from Port Hedland and 1563 km from Perth, the state's capital. It prospered during its gold boom of the late 19th century and was once the biggest settlement between Darwin and Perth. And more importantly Claire, at one point, for every person in the town in normal jobs, there was FIVE in the Police! Which is weird, I thought there was only three in the Police to begin with!


I mean, there was Sting, there was the two who hated Sting, that only makes three! How can there be five! Did Sting have other people in the band apart from the two who hated him? They were really just dead weight you know!

Can't we....

And anyway, they weren't that good in the first place! I mean, Every Breath You Take was alright, but what the hell was with Message In A Bottle? And that lyric about Nabokov? And why were they playing in Roebourne anyway? Surely they were more popular than that? I suppose everyone has to start somewhere. I mean, look at The Beatles, they had to play The Cavern Club for ages! I guess I shouldn't be so judgemental! I mean, look how I got started!

And that's where we lost the feed, I certainly don't want to talk about how Sami Lukis got started...

Whistles idly.

Still, you can see why the segment didn't quite work.

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Come on Annie, get to dusting!   
08:10pm 13/02/2008
  The biggest show in Australia right now, if you were wondering, is the fabulous "So You Think You Can Dance" - a show which is in no way like I-dull with dancers, no way Jose, it's an original concept! Having watched the show with Claire, we've come to a conclusion about it's success

1. It's hosted by Izzy
2. See 1

Anyway, while Izzy isn't quite the host the legendary Danny "INTRIGUE!" Mac was, she does a good job. And of course, in the incredibly time honoured tradition of Australian reality TV, there's plenty of "MEANWHILE!" and "SPONTANEOUS!" shouts you can make at the TV. However, we prefer a good shout out of "SLAMMIN!" as our chosen sum up the show word. It makes I-dull look like Monster House. Anyway, the good news is, it's inspired a spin off show here at the Pop!

So you think you can dust!

Izzy: Hi, and welcome to So you think you can dust! Today, we're going to visit the house of Claire Flynn Boyle, who has a dusty corner!

Dusty Springfield: What, I was just resting here!

Izzy: Aren't you dead?

Dusty Springfield: Well sassy, I'd be resting then wouldn't I!

Izzy: ANYWAY, today, we're going to ask Claire, So You Think Can Dust!

Claire: No, I don't think that!

Izzy: Not even for the show?

Claire: No, I've got a maid for that! Why would I want to dust? I'd break a nail!

Izzy: Not even for me?

Claire: NO!

Alyson: Probably should have thought this through Izzy.

Dusty Springfield: Not so quick to cut me out of the show now are you!

Izzy: You don't know the half of it, Channel 10 have booked 20 more episodes...

Not since Channel 7s Celebrity Croquet has a show been so destined to sparkle and shine...

Especially after dusting!

     Read 11 - Make your comment...please!
The sounds of January!   
07:26pm 11/02/2008
  I'm sad to report when I looked at the archives to write about something important from our 5ive year old archives, Louisiana appear to have abandoned the famous Mardi (our favourite word after all, in honour of Mardy Pants!) G Raccoon as the states ambassador for fun! In a Stalinist twist, he appears to have removed from the states history! You can't find anything about him! But you can't silence his song of freedom!

He's the coolest critter under Louisiana's sun.
I'm Louisiana's Ambassador of fun.
His name is Mardi G. Mardi G. Raccoon.
Hey, keep on singin' I kinda like this tune.
He loves to run and play under every single tree.
Nobody likes fun more than me.
He's purple green and gold and he wouldn't change a thing, 'cause when it comes to fun... I feel like a king.
From Monroe to Shreveport and south around DeRidder,
Mardi is Louisiana's coolest spokescritter.
If you want to be his friend, call him Mardi G.
Nobody likes fun more than me.
His stomp of approval will surely let you know -
the really cool places, for all the kids to go.
If there's fun around somewhere, you know he'll check it out,
'cause fun is what he really likes.
Without a single doubt.
They say no one likes fun more than he.
Nobody likes fun more than me.

From Bossier City, Baton Rouge and south to Lafayette -
Mardi wants to know...
Hey - are ya havin' fun yet?
From St. Charles streetcars to paddlewheel boats, at Mardi Gras - the people, parades and the floats.
So that is the story,
as you can plainly see.
Nobody likes fun more than me.
Nobody likes fun more than me!

I COMPLETELY forgot about giving things the STOMP of approval! We need to bring that back, and we'll do it by making a playlist of our favourite songs of January! Although you have to go HERE and put up with the evils of Myspace to hear two of them by the gorgeous Manda Rin, I've kind of put a Bis video and my #6 song by Jenny Bae on the list too, but enjoy it all anyway! PS. Mines is better, it doesn't have Ashlee RULEBREAKER Simpson!

     Read 1 - Make your comment...please!
Kissing Cousins, new on Channel 10   
07:38pm 08/02/2008
  If there's one thing we've learned in the 5ive years we've done this website, it's the unending hilarity of Ben Cousins, alleged AFL footballer slash comedy goldmine. When Alyson tried to tell us he was a great footballer and unbelievably handsome, he was awfully unlikeable. But when he grew a beard, had a laugh, became a gangster or swam across a river to avoid the "fuzz", he was hilarious and fantastic. And now, he's going to be boxing in the WBA "KO to Drugs" charity event, which sounds like some kind of awfully lame event that your school would send you to (in our case, we got a vist from Mr Cheese), and it's obviously good to know Ben is keen to KO drugs.

At the same time, his former business partner, of "wanted to open a 1930s New York style speak-easy with Ben" fame, Siobhan Parekh, is going out with Mark "Scud" Phillipoussis, of TV show "Age Of Love" fame (what, we aren't going to call him a tennis player are we?). Siobhan has a reputation for dating sportsmen, and is a "glamour model". I've read a lot since the Manchester United Xmas party about glamour models, and how they try and woo sportsmen, and as you would know, no one in Australia is more popular or beloved than sportsmen.

In the mean time, Australian TV has shown no sign of letting up it's love of dating shows, reality shows, and on VH1, skanks vying to date famous people (or model, or live in a house, or become a princess or....) Other than obviously scripted game shows with Adam Hills, no TV style is more popular.

Which is how we get to our new TV show idea.

Kissing Cousins

OK, so in the first episode, there's, say, 12 skanks. OK, 11 skanks, 1 slightly less attractive intellectual one that turns into a skank. And the aim of the game is to win a date with Ben. Obviously it will air on Channel 10, and Siobhan Parekh can host. First episode, boring introduction episode, and then, just for fun, the skanks can be put through a pre season style training run, handpass the football, Rick The Rock Eagle can judge, you know, just for laughs. Ben cuts two skanks at the end. Down to 10.

Then, let's say, the 10 remaining skanks get to enjoy Bens love of mucking around, we'll take them on a sedate date, say, mini golf, or hot air ballooning. Since the intellectual will still be around, she can make comments to camera about how lame this is turning out to be. Obviously, Ben will cut her at the end of the show, and we'll ramp up the tension by focusing on the rivalry between the blonde skanks and the brunette skanks.

Did we mention instead of giving out roses, Ben will give out Brownlow invites?

So, down to 8 skanks, at which point, the girls will be split into brunettes and blondes, and Ben doesn't haven't to eliminate, the two lowest scorers in a game of Trivial Pursuit will be eliminated. This is after Ben takes them on a slightly more raunchy date to a casino, accompanied by guests Warwick Capper and Mark "Jacko" Jackson. Naturally, at this point of the series, the ratings will be slightly low, and watching the skanks make silly answers to Triv questions will be funny and get us the Age readership on board, in an "ironic" fashion.

And on this will go, until Ben has to pick between two skanks for the right to take him to the Brownlow....they can announce the winner the night before at Docklands - you can't tell me this isn't going to work. It writes itself.

If Alyson wasn't sitting around listening to that Sam Sparro song all day long sulking, she'd be right on board....

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Pop news round up (like Reos Roundup, with more Ben Cousins)   
11:40am 06/02/2008
  - Nikki Websters School isn't going to happen, she lost the building, we were going to go to the open day and report as well. Also, it got downgraded to "a dance studio", which is so 2004 when Siobhan had one. More on this to come.

- S2S (like M2M, except they aren't writing horrible songs about each other) though do have a school, and we'll be looking at that in due course.

- Siobhan Parekh, of Ben Cousins gangster moll fame, is going out with Mark Phillipoussis. We've had an idea for a TV show, and that'll be up soon.

And most importantly of all...

It was also revealed the former West Coast Eagle Ben Cousins will fight in an exhibition boxing match on February 27.

(Theme Music with a jaunty STEPS vibe)

Some days we're having a box
Some days we're having a spar
Some days we're working on the bag in the gym
But it's always a laugh
When we're mucking around
Boxing up a storm
In Ben Cousins ring

God, even I love him much as I love today for news...

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Judge Botherd   
04:39pm 04/02/2008
  As much as I would really love to pick off the list of things we need to complete the re-written PC comedy of 1950s Southern America "That Cotton Won't Pick Itself" (I really fancy reading what that was all about) the most intruiging thing we found was "Judge Roberts", what was THAT? Why was Nicola Roberts involved in making decisions? I'm sure the Ginger Princess is perfect for such a role in deciding whether things in popular culture are worthwhile or not, even without the need for a jury, and her decisions will always be final. However, it has had a re-working as "Judge Botherd", the people are real, the songs to be analysed are real. For todays evidence...

Alyson: It's a FRIGGING AWFUL SONG! It's not even in need of a case! It's awful! It's stupid! It hasn't got a tune! You are only sticking up for now cos she's blonde and fashionable! And it's still Ashlee Simpson! And I like her a lot more than you do! It's still the idiot dancing around doing an Irish jig! She's not even got a proper nose anymore! It sounds too much like Gwen Stefani! It's a big giant mess! You like songs that don't have choruses too much Claire! First "I go oooh-oooh, you go ah-ah, la la la la, la la la la" and now "I go ay-ya-ay-ya-ah" - lyrics aren't the strong point of Lame White Girl Music! And it's a Timbaland song! You hate him! And if you say this sounds like a Pat Benatar B Side, I'll slap you! This is just DIRE SHIT! God Claire! Wake up!

Judge Botherd: Settle, don't use the word shit in MY cord, la.

Alyson: Sorry Judge Botherd, but really!

Claire: Hark at you snobby. Whatever happened to giving everyone a chance? This is my favourite song of this year so far, BECAUSE it's hilarious, and a great song. If it wasn't Ashlee Simpson, you'd love it Y. Besides, we can't ALL like stupid screaming Italians who won't get bigger than their own Myspace or lame funless Goldfrapp rubbish. This is terrific fun. Look, she's sitting on a giant Rubiks Cube, that's great. There's a dancing kid for no real reason. There's a melting clock, and you love Dali. It predicts what's going to happen to Britney Spears perfectly before it happens. It's amazing. I've had this song on all day, and I'm not sick of yet. EVERYTHING about this project is fantastic and I support it all. Plus, it's really annoyed a lot of stupid indie kids, which is always great.

(After the break, Judge Botherd reads the verdict)

We find the song...shit!


I wonder if she does judgements on the quality of Porsches...

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The Spice Girls (NOT) Down Under   
10:23pm 03/02/2008
  Wow, that was quite a list of things that we never got done and that doesn't even include 2003 or 2007! There's probably quite a few things to get through from that list alone!

One thing that WON'T be happying, since they are as lazy as us, the Spice Girls have PIKED on coming to Australia! "Sadly, the tour needs to come to an end by the end of February due to family and personal commitments for Emma, Geri, Mel B, Melanie C and Victoria," the group said in a statement on its website that is just LAME, UN-AUSTRALIAN and SHAMEFUL! - ever since Mel B said "G'day mates it's Mel B", everyone should have KNOWN it was a lame comeback and now they've LIED to Australia! Operator Please don't treat their fans this shabby way! They are a real band!

What's really disappointing about this (not for me, I hate The Spice Girls) is that it denies us all the fantastic promotional opportunities I was looking forward to! Mel C getting a footy jumper! Posh Spice with a koala! Baby Spice going up the Harbor Bridge! Geri in an awkward handshake with a state premier! And Mel B pulling a scary face at a crocodile! I was looking forward to it! Plus a really awkward and stilted interview with Dick Wilkins! Now it's all ruined! Maybe they could even have met this idiot!

And even MORE disappointingly, it denies us the promotional "Spice Girls Down Under" movie tie in, a la "Sabrina Down Under" and "Baywatch Down Under". These kind of movies write themselves! It could have been Spiceworld 2! Imagine Mel B being suspected of smuggling diamonds! A hilarious series of events leading to Geri being mistaken for Australia's Queen (go with it)! Mel C organising a game of football against some surly local girls! Emma getting stranded at the airport! And the hilarity of Posh having to work in Australia Zoo! Cameos from The Irwins, Tammin, Sean Micallef, Kisschasy, Operator Please, Jess V, and Harold Bishop? God, you could knock it up in 1/2 an hour!

But they aren't, so we won't. Let that be a lesson to you Spice Girls!

Alyson and Claire
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5ive Year anniversary, all the things we didn't do   
01:38pm 03/02/2008
  I was looking at the archives as part of our 5ive year anniversary celebrations, and take a look at the list of things in 2006 we promised but never got round to or did once and abandoned due to a lack of comments! EDIT! Now also with the 2005 list! What THE! And take a look at 2004! GOD!


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I can't believe that many things didn't get done!

Well, not really, but it's still a tribute to my ADD attention span!

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The Pop Turns 5ive, with some Pirate Radio!   
07:52pm 01/02/2008
  Yes, if I can twiddle the knob around, after 5ive years (you are right Mardy, it should be 5ive), it's time for some more pirate radio!

Arrr...that was the new one from Rihanna...It needed a cutlass sample in the middle...and why would yer need an umbrella anyway, you could huddle down below under the decks if it me hearties, it's time for our new competition...the secret sound...let's see what you thought...arrr...the first caller is Shezza from Frankston...what was the secret sound?

Um...what it someone opening a lemon-ayde bottle?

No YOU SCURVY KNAVE! What's the matter with ya wench! Arrr...Captain Cletus the one legged bluebeard would tell ya that was the sound we made when stole some dubloons off a rival gang! Arrr...lemonade indeed...we prefer rum! Speaking of rum, here's the new single from Timbaland...I'd flog his back with a cat o'nine tails and see who saluted...but we got some gold coins from EMI to play arr...we're stuck with the landlubber! Pirate FM, where all our listeners are scurvy dogs, and we'll feed your bleached bones to the vultures! Arrr...keep listening!

Ah, Pirate radio, will your transmissions ever cease to amaze!

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Ben Cousins Cove Part 191   
07:47pm 01/02/2008
  Silly Alyson, no one cares about us turning 5ive, and why didn't you write it as 5ive, silly Alyson, besides, no one cares about old segments.

Apart from this one...

(Theme music with a jaunty STEPS vibe)

Some days we're having a goss
Some days we're having a laugh
Some days we're cooking up a storm on the stove
But it's always a laugh
We're just having a laugh
Chatting up a storm
At Ben Cousins cove!

G'day kids! Welcome to another episode of Ben Cousins Cove! And what a special episode it is! What are we celebrating!

Squawk...Shannon Noll hasn't eaten all the lamb chops for a change!

Ha ha! Careful Rick! Don't tell him there's any left! Get a shot of our cameraman! He's dressed as cupid! Ha ha! Careful with that arrow! We've got a great show coming up! We're going to tell you how to make cupcakes! And it's Valentines day coming up! What an appropriate guest!

Hi, I'm Kym Valentine, I guess that makes it MY day! I'm looking for a special kind of guy! Maybe an Eagle! Maybe I can ruffle some feathers eh Rick!

Ha ha! Fantastic! Rick Get a shot of Mrs Rock Eagle! She's telling off her husband for her flirting! No tea for you Rick! Ha Ha! It's romance a go go at the cove! And some gentle nagging! Who knows what's gonna happen!

Who knows indeed Ben...who knows indeed...

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The Pop Turns FIVE!   
07:34pm 31/01/2008
  Next month here at The Pop, we turn...

...wait for it...

...wait for IT!...


I know, I can't believe it either! We've been THIS bad for FIVE YEARS! We formed as the companions site to Gareths Love Pagoda (I wish they'd re-unite for this special moment!), and somehow, they were good and closed, and we're terrible and still here! God, 2003! No one even knew who MILLSY was!

Oh to hell with self deprecation, it's time to BREAK OUT THE BUNTON!

For all 29 days of February, we're going to be bringing back ALL the old segments that have mystified a generation! What's In Ya Bin! Sami Lukis's Bonza Hotspot! Amy Acuff! The Indie Life! Well, maybe. Rachel Stevens Moment Of Black Comedy! The Diary Of Hector The Booty Inspector! The Magnum! Shushing For Jewel! Mis-teeq albums! Strawberries! Y&Z! RIDICULOUS DAY! Kiss The Giss! That really weird thing Claire wrote where all the 80s pop stars worked for the government! Sam Browns World Of Knock Knock Jokes! Pirate radio! Giant pictures of Jennifer Garner (NO!), Bunton In a Box! Ben Cousins Cove! Plus the ALL NEW 2nd series of Spiderwebster AND finally, finally My Three Jordans! Plus possibly Claire's sitcom classic Mardy Blonde Girl!

All this, and more, all this month!

Plus this bloke...

Oh great, fucking nostalgia, that'll turn your fortunes around, what's next, the fucking Little River Band?

I like your thinking!

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Welcome Back Webster Series #1   
08:26pm 29/01/2008
  And now, as promised, based on the fact that Nikki Webster has opened a drama school, so has Debbie Gibson and Shannon Noll wants to act (WON'T YOU LET HIM ACT!), not to mention we can't stop writing Nikki Webster TV shows, it's time for....


Pilot: Nikki (Nikki Webster) loses her chat show on Channel 7 when a guest (Jason Akermanis) makes a racial slur about Albanians. Forced to return to work, she accepts a job at her old school, Adams County High, as a maths teacher, but the call of the drama class is too strong. But can she convince the crusty principal (Helen Mirren) that she can produce a play in time for the school open day? Also starring Leah Winslow (Rihanna), Bob The Nerd (Rob Mills) and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown (Gordon Brown).

Episode 1: Sing when you're winning

When Nikki assembles her class for her first production, a musical re-working of Pentathlon, she finds out there's more to teaching a class than teaching a class! Who's let a donkey into the school for one thing? Where is all the chalk? And what happens when budget cuts turn the yearbook into a yearpage? And can Nikki really turn the struggling drama class around with just a song in her heart and a step in her shoes? Starring Gabe Kaplan as the High Priest, Ben Mendelsohn as Ryan Neilsen, Kareem Abdul Jabbar as "The Inspirer" and Ricki Lee Coulter as the class clown.

Episode 2: Spill The Wine

When the class goes on an excursion to the set of Dancing With The Stars, they find out there's more to Dancing with the Stars than dancing with the stars! For one thing, why has Nikki been accused of lying about her dance history! And why has Ryan ended up in charge of lighting? And what's going on with a drunken Sonia Kruger (Holly Brisley)? And can the class pull together to get out of the studio with The Police (Sting and Blair McDonough) on their tail? Also stars Darryl Somers as Chong Lim, Tammin Sursok as herself and Charles "Bud" Tingwell as Gramps.

Episode 3: Lost In Your Fete

When Nikki finds a talented student named Neil Noll (Shannon Noll) and attempts to get him to Adams County High on the Nicola Roberts scholarship, she inadvertently causes a feud with the rival Electric Youth School of Dance run by Mel O'Drama (Debbie Gibson). The feud spills over into a cake baking frenzy that threatens to ruin the school fete. And who's pickles have been spiked with vodka? Also stars Dawn French as dunk tank victim #4, Meja as The Wrestling Champion, John Travolta as cameoing celebrity #3, and Britney Spears as Carly Twostep.

Episode 4: Dig It, The Dancing Teach

Having won Neil Noll, Nikki begins to work hard writing the musical version of Pentathlon with Neil in the lead, but she's about to find out there's more to writing the musical version of Pentathlon than writing the musical version of Pentathlon! For one thing, why is Mel O'Drama determined to steal all Nikki's pens? Why is the Class Clown wearing a traffic cone on her head? Why is Ryan trying to make Neil lose his voice? And will Principal Victoria really approve 10000 dollars for wardrobe? And why are Carlsberg so keen to sponsor the play? It's one chaotic day that's for sure! Also stars Sophie Lee as Montage Espie, Julia Zemiro as the Rock Snob, Dolph Lundgren as Ivan Espinosa and Vickie Guerrero as Vickie "Little Vickie" Adamson.

Episode 5: My big break

Nikki only has a few paragraphs to go in her play, but she's about to find out there's more to having only a few paragraphs to go in her play than having a few paragraphs left in her play! For one thing, she's been offered a column in Golfweek, and a part in Entourage! Will she finish the play or take the offer? And what's the embarrassing secret from her Grade 12 prom? And how hard is to get an Ethel Merman song sampled? And what's the clip of Mel O'Drama Nikki is threatening to put on Youtube? Also stars The Tom Robinson Band as themselves, Adrian Grenier as himself, Ed Kavalee as Nikki's flashback boyfriend and Jenny Bai as the violinist.

Episode 6 Part One: Play Date

With Mel O'Drama agreeing to stay away, and Neil Noll ready to sing his heart out, Nikki is about to put on her play, but she's about to find out there's more to putting on her play than putting on her play! For one thing, she has to write a speech for her sponsors at the last minute, Ryan is on strike until he gets a part other than Stasi agent #4, a double booking of the venue with a bingo convention, and a trademark claim from EMI! Also starring Amy Winehouse as Nikkis conscience, that girl that played Evie on Out Of This World as EMI Lawyer Kassie Pilkington, Soleil Moon Frye as Alicia Moore and Ben Cousins as The Heckler.

Episode 6 Part Two: Play Date

With everything finally in place, the school assembles for the debut performance of Pentathlon, the musical. But Nikki's about to find out...that's she got a top secret movie part! Will she return for term 2? Will Ryan show up? Will Nikki's attraction to her curtain puller go unfulfilled? And will Mel O'Drama really stay away? And how controversial is that Jebediah cover song? Find out, as Welcome Back Webster concludes! Also starring Siobhann Heidenreich as Jane Hall, Jane Hall as Jessica Mauboy, Jessica Mauboy as Chanel Cole, and Chanel Cole as herself.

It's Webstertastic!
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Happy Oz Day   
01:27am 28/01/2008
  Happy Australia day my people back home...

Why not celebrate with a real Aussie hero telling Federer to shush up, and the best band in Australia...

That was for Scud in 03 you boring Swiss tosser

We got thrown out of the movies for having a fight about the Vs you know...I stand by my position...

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