The Patrick McDermott sightings
Poland 0 Ecuador 2
Oh well, the project lasted as long as the average time for us!
There's nothing Claire and I love more than wasting the police's team, we really do. If it's ringing up reporting an illegal litter dump, or just that we've heard a party down the road with music playing too loud, it does our heart good to get revenge for our respective traffic offences. Luckily, we aren't alone, for it seems that Olivia Newton "Girl from Toomorrow" (get that film I implore you!) Olivia Newton Johns boyfriend Patrick McDermott, missing since last year, has been spotted time and time again allegedly on the run from the law over unpaid debts, and it's all apparently the work of bored Mexicans it seems, making sightings up! Those crazy Mexicans! Still, it does give us a chance to join in the game, and confuse Herald Sun journalists (todays report, I kid you not, was a woman FOUND A CAP Patrick McDermott might have owned!) and the police alike, with the launch of our new TV special, the Patrick McDermott sightings!
Firm but sympathetic voice over: He was a man, and then he was gone, but was he? Who really knew - even though he looked like the love child of Ricardo Montalban, and the little fella, from Fantasy Island. Herve Villechese? Or a native American who's come out of the teepee into the mullet school. Actually, Herve Villechese, TATU off fantasy island? Was that him - did you know he used to make his girlfriends lie still like they were dead when he shagged them? He did! And he never dated any girl under 6"2, even though he was a midg...
Claire: ALYSON! Stick to the script! It's bad enough this flimsy premise for an idea has even been made - it's worse than the Jennifer Lopez sitcom!
Alyson: OK, fine! Anyway - I'd like to announce to any Herald Sun journalists on a lunch break or any members of the Mexican police that I, Alyson Tamara Guard, very clearly saw Patrick McDermott!
Tina T: You did? When?
Alyson: On stage!
Tina T: On....stage?
Alyson: Yep! It cost me 29.95, it was at the Prince Patrick Hotel - it was really spooky, I looked up and he was on stage and singing a song about tight jeans in a grey suit - is he gay? I thought he was gay, that's what I heard, he's a grumpy little bugger though isn't he! I said are you...
Claire: STOP STOP STOP! That was PAUL McDermott you IDIOT! The once popular light entertainment figure! The guy that hosts the dancing show on the ABC! WHY do you do this too me!
Alyson: Ah, what a HILARIOUS mix up! I guess we'll need to cancel Tim Ferguson as a guest! WAIT! I know who you mean now!
Tina T: So, did you see him?
Claire: Are you the interviewer are you?
Tina T: I'm the most organised of us!
Claire: Ah, I was hoping you'd organise a surf carnival to raise funds to find him.
Tina T: TSK!
Alyson: ANYWAY Gwenno, back to me! I last saw him speaking at an old cricketers function with Merv Hughes! Some of the TALL tales! So hilarious! Did you know Merv ate a lot of beans! Ha ha, old cricketers, so, so funny!
Claire: NOOOOOOOOO! That was CRAIG McDermott! WHAT IS wrong with you!
Alyson: Ha, if ONLY I wasn't so hilariously mixed up! Did he ever sing "Mona?"
Tina T: No, that was Craig McLachlan....
Claire: THAT doesn't even make sense! I'm going to talk clothes with Gwenno! I've had it!
Alyson: Boy, that went well! I guess no one knows where Patrick McDermott is!
Patrick McDermott: No one! NO one! HA HA HA! AHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL NOT FIND me coppers or Herald Sun journos!AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Alyson: Um...shouldn't you be hiding mate?
Patrick McDermott: Shit...
Alyson: WHATS a girl to do!